The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
