her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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