The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think i have herpe
just one?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
