There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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