I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
