you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
