I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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