Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
