M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
