I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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