It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
