I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
