You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
