so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
