Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
