I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
