she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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