Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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