my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
