we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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