Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
