Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
