Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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