There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
