So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
