Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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