YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
