I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
