The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
