yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
