forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
