So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
