Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
