can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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