Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
