Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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