she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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