Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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