Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
