despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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