did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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