You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
