he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
