We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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