please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
