If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
