This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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