Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
