Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
