Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
