Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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