Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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