Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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